Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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