I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize