when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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