I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
