but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
