I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
