It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
