I am puke
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
