U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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