Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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