If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
