p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
