Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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