And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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