Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize