so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My day in three words: secret purse cake
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
