Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
