I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
