i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
