he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.