can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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