i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.