its not stalking. its research.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is