I accidentally burped into my bong.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow