Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.