just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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