hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
