sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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