Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
