I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
