I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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