I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
