U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
