dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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