i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Rumble strips road head = magical
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize