The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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