I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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