when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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