i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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