I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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