please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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