Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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