She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
