Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
