Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
