if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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