Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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