If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
