We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
