Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
