I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry about my life...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
