lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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