yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize