so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
