Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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