So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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