I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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