You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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