is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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