RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
