32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
