I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
