wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
