can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
