it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
