pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
