Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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