I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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