i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
