i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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