You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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