oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
