i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
