we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
