i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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