My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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