i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
