man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
