I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
