That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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