"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
