Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
