grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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