im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
