I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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