she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
