Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
