i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I could fuck to npr.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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