Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
