I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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