I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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