forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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