that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
