no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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