K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
