Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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