I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
